Make a difference

While flipping through a magazine, I saw an ad for a new kind of Under Armour article. It’s a special material for cold weather training and showed a football player alone on a frozen field, practicing. It made me think about professional athletes and while I’ve always assumed they’re pros because of their skill, I now wonder if it isn’t their sheer determination that gets them to the top of their game, and how much “skill” is wasted on people who give up too early.

Which leads me to the conclusion there are three kinds of people:
1. Those who know they'll never get ahead, and don’t bother to try.
2. Those who know the quest for a better life is better left to others, content to work every day to provide for their families, and do their civic duty of church and military.
3. Those who are unsatisfied with life and know they can make it better, and succeed through sheer determination, unwilling to fail.

What binds these three is their unwavering commitment that they know they're right. And they are. If you take someone with the third mindset and plop him in the first environment, the outcome will remain the same – no matter how you mix and match the three.

It's what makes America great. You can be whatever you want to be. You can climb as far as you're willing to go. But you are the only one who will drive you.

As we sit on the brink of a new president I have listened to the arguments of both sides. One rallies for the capitalism America was founded on....the other for a socialism they defend 'I am my brother's keeper.'

No matter to which side you fall, selfish motives drive both. One is motivated by pride and the need to be seen as a savior, the other is driven by greed and the need to ‘die with the most toys,’ rich and envied.

If we truly were trying to be our brother's keeper, charitable contributions would be at an all time high, poverty wouldn't exist and families would live in 'villages,' taking care of the elderly and young with pure hearts and no thought to materialistic goods.

I will be the first to admit I have never woken up with a pure heart or devoid of my materialistic thoughts. I would love to, don’t get me wrong, in fact, I have the most fantastic ideas and motivation, but I never follow through. There's an organization I read about called ‘Care,’ who helps women in other countries get loans so they can truly assist their families. There's the soup kitchen in my town. There's the homeless man I pass every day on my way to work. There's always tomorrow, I say. But what happened to yesterday's tomorrow?

So now we stand on the brink of the most important election in our nation’s history. My biggest concern, and one I continue to hear from people, is that they are voting for a man who will take care of the masses. With a flick of a magic wand all our problems will go away, the poor will eat, the blind will see, the unemployed will work again…

When you step in to that voting booth on Tuesday, don’t you dare think the poor and impoverished are taken care of for you now and you're absolved of your duty. It's not the government's job to 'take care of' our sick, our elderly, our poor.

It's our job.
Mine and yours.

I want to have a voice where my money goes and to which cause I support. It should not be mandatory. Jesus said we are to give with a happy heart, not be taxed to death so someone else can decide to spend our money happily…which cause is more important than another. We all have our own “hot button.” Mine is not yours, and yours is not mine. We have choices to give of our time and resources to causes we believe in – and to let some one else work on the ones they believe in. I promise you the government’s “hot button” is also not yours…or mine. Choose to support your own cause, but you’d better act fast, because Wednesday morning, you may not have a choice anymore.

I'm not telling you how to vote, just to be educated, and not by the media. Decide for yourself what you want America to be.

.....and on Wednesday, decide how you're going to make a difference and get out there and do it!

EMPOWER YOU, EMPOWER ME!
(EMPOWER AMERICA!)

What's the point of being good?

This is a slight deviation from my regular topics, but it’s infuriating me every time I hear about it.

I’ve tried to give Congress the benefit of the doubt with this recent bail out and infusing banks, as I understood the position and the need to bolster the economy. This also isn’t a national issue, it’s global.

However, this latest plan to restructure mortgages for people who are losing their homes makes me furious. My husband and I upgraded when things were swinging upward, we got a great deal on the house he’d been in for years, we paid off all our credit cards, and moved to a very nice, big home with a great big yard in a great neighborhood. We looked at doing any number of ARMs, but in the end, felt better about sticking with a traditional 30 year mortgage. Our interest rate is decent, and while our payment is a staggering amount, we decided we could afford it. We pay our bill on time, and have never missed a payment in the two years we’ve had the house now.

What seemed like a good idea at the time is now threatening with the ominous forecast. The market is plummeting (though Utah is staying on the upper end of things for the moment.) Our home is barely worth what the mortgage is, but we’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

However…there are a LOT of people who got in over their heads, bought homes they knew they couldn’t afford (I would have been right there with them if we’d have done an ARM), and now they’re going to lose their homes.

…now who do you suppose is getting a pat on the back and a helping hand for their situation?? Of course!! Everyone who’s missed payments and is in jeopardy of losing their home can now restructure their loan so they can afford it. Are you kidding me? Where’s my credit for being good? What’s the penalty for missing payments and being in over your head?

THE CALVARY IS COMING….
My ex-mother in law used to bail my ex-husband and I out all the time. We were notorious for taking irresponsible risk after risk. We lived above our means and had a very disrespectful relationship with money. But no matter what, she’d write us a check and get us out of trouble time after time. You know what that taught us?? Nothing! We didn’t have to be accountable for our actions, there were no repercussions for making a bad financial decision - - and we made a lot.

The government is my ex-mother in law in a bad suit. They’re teaching the same lessons and no one is going to have to learn from their mistakes.

I hate to admit my dad was right all those years, but when I was growing up and he used to say “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it” I hated that answer. I wanted him to bail me out. I wanted him to fix my mistakes so I wouldn’t look stupid or lose money. He didn’t…and from his tough love, I learned. I learned a lot about accountability. I make decisions now based on not having a back-up solution...and that’s a completely different rational.

Yes, this mortgage solution is going to keep these people in their homes for a little while longer, but what are they going to learn? Nothing. They will continue to live above their means, they will continue to buy things they cannot afford, and this country is going to continue it’s downhill slide.

Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, and John Hancock would not be proud.

We have to stop looking to our material goods to satisfy us. How’s that working for you anyway? It sucks for me. I will absolutely admit I’ve wasted good money on trivial, frivolous things…things to decorate my house, crap I didn’t need but couldn’t resist when I gave in to my compulsive shopping nature. I’m trying to be better, but it’s hard when we’re all conditioned to keep up with the Jones.

I will commit to you that I’ll knock it off if you will. Let’s stop trying to impress each other with what we have, and start trying to impress each other with who we are.

EMPOWER YOU, EMPOWER ME

A mentor? Me??!!

So my sweetheart of a cousin has been calling me for advice the last couple years. Our talks are lengthy and frequent, and seem to cover those eternal questions that have plagued women for centuries…Money and Love. (not necessarily in that order)

What continues to baffle me (and this has been going on for years now) is that she ask for – and expects – GOOD advice.

…from me…

Let’s take a look at my stats: One failed marriage; a great job now, but it’s taken 612 tries; a string of bad relationships (if you can call a date a relationship); and a rocky financial portfolio at best. Granted, I have managed to keep one child alive for over 18 months now, but I think it’s because he’s resilient; and while my marriage is pushing in to it’s third year, I think that’s only because my husband is such a patient, laid back man (which I do keep telling her she needs to find).

So really, what do I have to offer in the way of GOOD advice? Bad advice? Definitely. How to do it wrong? For sure. And yet she keeps coming back to the well.

Which made me think…maybe I do have something to offer. Maybe we all do. I mean, good grief, we’re still looking to Martha for ideas and she’s done time! I would venture to bet most of us have managed to stay out of a federal penitentiary…and yet something holds us back. Why do we think only perfection is allowed to render advice? What is it that makes us swallow a comment at our husband’s dinner party, in a meeting, when a friend asks for honest advice?

Ladies, we have GOT to stop selling ourselves short. I mean it! Apparently we have women looking up to us – daughters, cousins, friends, strangers. And believe me, they’re watching what we do - - - not just what we say.

Which means after you buck up and toss that comment in to the ring, you’d better start living it!

…to my favorite cuz, thank you for making me see the value of my ideas, my thoughts, my passion...

EMPOWER YOU, EMPOWER ME

2007 Women's Conference in California

I'm spending a lot of time in the car these days, and thanks to the miracle of satellite radio, it really is becoming a University on Wheels. Yesterday I caught a re-broadcast of last year's Women's Conference and nearly had to pull over several times. One - to take notes. Two - to take stock.

With the latest financial uproar, it's left me adrift in a working world where I used to know my place. Where I got up every morning with purpose and pride. These days it's a struggle to find purpose...and I hate it. I tied so much of my own meaning in to who I was as a business woman. How was I revered by my peers, how much money I made this month, how much I contributed to my 401k, how big my bonus was....

Without those markers of success I'm struggling to find accomplishment in stupid things like laundry and weeding....not that I'm any good at either, as my husband will attest. So most days, I don't do either, and I wander around my "home office" looking for things to do, yet never finding what I'm looking for.

So yesterday, as I was listening to a hodge podge of women stand up and talk about Legacy (it was last year's topic) I started to wonder if I had been creating a legacy after all. What, really was I leaving behind? What, really, am I teaching my child(ren)? That success is measured in bonuses and 401ks - kudos and praise from co-workers?

Jamie Lee Curtis's presentation really did get me to pull the car over. She found a Buddist book that said at the end of our life we are asked two questions: Did I learn to live wisely? Did I love well?

She now asks herself those questions every night...I think I'm going to do the same. Taking stock in the day and really measuring whether I got the most out of it....live WISELY, love WELL. That's heavy....and I think it will require me to be very honest with myself.